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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29883009">A Fraud in Their Own Skin</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mae01/pseuds/Mae01'>Mae01</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Marauders Modern AU [30]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops &amp; Cafés, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Established Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, F/M, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Family Reunions, Fanfiction, Fluff and Humor, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gay Remus Lupin, Gen, M/M, Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Modern Marauders (Harry Potter), One Shot, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Platonic Relationships, Remus Lupin &amp; Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Spongebob Voice: The Gang's All Here, wolfstar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 03:20:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,710</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29883009</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mae01/pseuds/Mae01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus has always struggled with problems that his depression had cursed him with but his family could never relate to or understand. Maybe The Gang will understand?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>People will always talk about how no matter when in life you experience depression that it is one of the worst feelings. Going through depression when your friends are learning about who they are and what they like? That’s worse. When you finally get through your depression and you can breathe a little bit, you don’t know who you are.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alice Longbottom/Frank Longbottom, Frank Longbottom &amp; Remus Lupin, Frank Longbottom &amp; Remus Lupin &amp; Marlene McKinnon &amp; Dorcas Meadowes, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Remus Lupin &amp; Dorcas Meadowes, Remus Lupin &amp; James Potter, Remus Lupin &amp; Lily Evans Potter, Remus Lupin &amp; Marlene McKinnon, Sirius Black &amp; James Potter, Sirius Black &amp; Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black &amp; Remus Lupin &amp; James Potter &amp; Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Marauders Modern AU [30]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2138295</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Fraud in Their Own Skin</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is a stand-alone work. There are other stories in the universe, but you do not need to read other stories to understand this one. HOWEVER: the whole story of the gang can be found in chapter 9 of Scout's Honour for more details of their antics and friendship.</p>
<p>I do not own any Harry Potter characters all characters belong to JK Rowling.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“How is he doing?” Lily asked quietly to her brother-in-law.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s okay,” Sirius replied quietly. “Well, no. He’s not okay but I don’t know what to do.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What is he saying?” James questioned quietly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius looked at his husband in the room, quietly walked towards him to tell him he would be back and then he guided his family down to the living room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s not saying much, that’s the problem.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you think it has to do with him seeing Frank, Marlene and Dorcas again?” Lily asked hesitantly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think maybe that is a part of it but it isn’t the full thing.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What are you talking about, Pads?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think we need them here to talk to him.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>James and Lily looked at Sirius in confusion and silently debated if they should ask for clarification. They weren’t hurt that Sirius thought maybe that Remus’ other friends would help but they were confused. Taking the bait, James voiced their question.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What is this about?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Remus has tried to talk to me about it before but I have never been able to help,” Sirius replied quietly. “I’m sure he has talked to you two about it as well but none of us can give him the answers he needs.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What is it about?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Lily,” Sirius started, taking a deep breath to try to figure out what to say. “When did Remus go through his depression?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know the answer-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Lily, just answer the question,” Sirius replied tiredly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He went through everything from age 10 to like, 15? 16?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, and when do we start to develop our personalities and we start to become what makes us, well, us?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“In our early teens?” James asked, not knowing where this was going.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Remus has tried to explain it to me but in all honestly none of us can relate to him. Moons told me that he sometimes feels like he doesn’t know who he is or what he likes. When we were 10-15, we were playing and having fun and figuring out what we liked and who we wanted to be. When Remus was that age he was just trying to survive and not give up. Remus was depressed. He has tried talking to me about it and I listened but I couldn’t relate.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The group sat in silence and tried to process the words that hung in the air. They didn’t know how to respond or what to say. Remus rarely brought up his thoughts when he was younger or his memories but it made sense when they thought about it. Lily would talk about how she would talk to Remus or Severus about her dreams for the future and what she hoped to do in the next five years. Sirius would talk about how he would hang out with his little brother and talk about going against his parents’ beliefs and how he would talk to James about their future. James would talk about how he dreamed of playing professional soccer with Sirius or travelling abroad for soccer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But when they asked Remus what he thought about? Remus would talk about the books he read. Remus never talked about his thoughts or dreams when he was younger but they were now realizing fully that he didn’t think about a future because he was just trying to survive. He was just trying to get through a mind-numbing feeling called depression that the rest of the Marauders never experienced. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>People will always talk about how no matter when in life you experience depression that it is one of the worst feelings. Going through depression when your friends are learning about who they are and what they like? That’s worse. When you finally get through your depression and you can breathe a little bit, you don’t know who you are. You definitely aren’t the person you were before your depression because that person was a child and now you are a teenager. People want you to be who you were before you became depressed but who is that person? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Remus had struggled with this for years and it felt like it was never going to get easier. He would hear people talk about what they liked and what they realized about themselves as they grew up but Remus couldn’t relate to that. He knew he had to battle with depression for the rest of his life but was he going to be having this ongoing ‘identity crisis’ as well? Some days were worse than others and sometimes even a week or a month would go by without much thought of who he was. But the truth was, Remus was struggling. Who was he? What did he like? He felt like a fraud in his own body and he couldn’t explain it to anyone. It was like he was faking who he was but he didn’t know who he was or what he was faking. It was an awful feeling that he couldn’t share with his family because they couldn’t relate or understand no matter what. It was so, so hard.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Should we call them over for tea?” Lily asked finally. “Maybe they will be able to help him somehow?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think so,” Sirius said with a small sigh. “I’ll go tell Moony, can you call them, Lily?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course, love.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>( </span>
  <b>Lily </b>
  <span>/ </span>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene </span>
  </em>
  <span>/ Frank )</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Hello?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <b>Hey, Marlene. It’s Lily.</b>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Lily! Hi, how are you?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <b>I am alright. How are you and Dorcas?</b>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>We are doing well! Not that I don’t love talking to you, but what is the reason behind your call?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <b>We are having some trouble over here and we were wondering if you and Dorcas could come over this afternoon?</b>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>What’s going on, Lily? Is everything okay?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <b>It’s Remus-</b>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck! We will be right there-</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <b>Hold on! I mean, yes, please come but I just need to give you some information first. He has these days that James, Sirius and I just can’t relate to or understand. We have always been here for them but we thought that maybe you guys would understand more than we would...</b>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m adding Frank to the call. Give me one moment.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“....”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Frank! It’s Marlene and Lily here.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey! What’s up?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Our boy needs us.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“... I’m leaving in 10 minutes. At the Lupin-Black household?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <b>Yes, please. Thank you, guys. It means so much to us.</b>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Of course. We will see you soon.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“See you soon.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Moons?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hm?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius walked into the bedroom and sat beside his husband. Remus had been reading the past couple of days more than usual and Sirius knew something was bothering his husband. As he sat beside Remus, he gently pulled the book from his husband’s hands, forcing Remus to look at him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The gang is coming over,” Sirius replied quietly, placing his hand on his husband’s cheek.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” Remus whispered in confusion. “Why?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Because I know you and I know you are questioning things that neither James, Lily nor I can answer. Your gang would know better than us.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re not upset?” Remus quietly asked, closing his eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius smiled sadly at his husband and moved to sit against the headboard beside him. Remus placed his head on Sirius’ shoulder and relaxed as he felt his husband’s fingers run through his hair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course not, my love,” Sirius started in a soft voice. “I'm sad that I can’t help you or give you the answers you need but I’m not upset. I’m happy that your troublesome gang can help you and you are back together.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What if they don’t understand either?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius looked at his husband and saw the small tension of worry in his eyes. Pressing a soft kiss to his forehead, Sirius answered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then I will find someone who understands. I’ll always be here to listen even though I don’t understand.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know,” Remus whispered quietly. “I just, I don’t even know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, my love,” Sirius muttered quietly, lips pressing to Remus’ hairline. “I know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A soft and quiet knock interrupted the couple and Sirius looked up to see the gang.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Call me if you need me,” Sirius whispered quietly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks. Pads.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Standing from his spot, Sirius walked to the bedroom door and smiled briefly at Remus’ other family.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you all,” he whispered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course,” Dorcas said with a smile. “We are back so we are happy to be here with our boy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Lily said we might understand or relate so we came right away,” Marlene whispered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks for thinking about asking us,” Frank said sincerely.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The gang sat silently on the bed for a couple of minutes before Remus finally broke the silence.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nope,” Marlene said immediately. “None of that bullshit. No apologizing.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I agree,” Dorcas commented.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ditto,” Frank added with a smile. “What’s going on?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I feel like a little kid,” Remus said with a small eye roll.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That was the smallest eye roll you have ever given us,” Marlene said, squinting at Remus. “I almost missed it! Now tell us what’s up.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I-” Remus let out a long sigh and shook his head, much too tired to pretend everything was fine. “Did you guys struggle with growing up?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who doesn’t?” Dorcas said quietly. “In what way do you mean though?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t even know how to explain it,” Remus started as he leaned his head against the headboard. “It’s like I’m a fraud in my own body. I feel like I don’t know who I am because I was in survival mode for so long. When everyone was coming to term with who they are I was busy being depressed and being numb. Now I’m 26 and I feel like I’m not me but I know I am but at the same time I feel like I’m just faking my way through life.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Frank, Marlene and Dorcas sat quietly for a moment before they all nodded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I thought I was going crazy for a long time,” Dorcas admitted quietly. “I remember sitting in my bed googling over and over again what was wrong with me and I never found anything out. No matter what I would search it would just tell me how depression affects people and I already knew that.” Dorcas let out a humourless laugh. “I never knew how to talk to people about it either because everyone would just look at me like I was crazy or they would just nod their head sympathetically and with pity.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What changed?” Remus asked curiously. How did she stop feeling that way? He needed to know because he was tired of feeling this way.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I ran into Marlene,” Dorcas said with a tiny smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I also dealt with those feelings,” Marlene continued. “It was awful and I felt pretty much exactly how you both felt. When I ran into Dorcas that summer, we ended up talking about it. It wasn’t that we figured it all out and we figured out who we were,” Marlene took Remus’ hands before continuing. “We don’t have the answer and I’m not going to pretend that we do.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How do you deal with it then?” Frank asked, surprising both himself and everyone else in the room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It doesn’t give you the answers but it does help to know that you aren’t crazy,” Dorcas continued. “Once we realized that we were no longer the only ones in that boat, the load felt lighter. I wasn’t insane or going crazy because someone else who was in the same place as me feels the same way.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s tiring,” Frank muttered quietly. “It’s hard playing with Neville when he asks me questions that four-year-olds ask. Simple questions of ‘who are you?’ or ‘why do you do that?’ I never have an answer for him and I’ve felt like there was something off because no one could explain what I was feeling.” Frank chuckled lightly, shaking his dead in slight distress. “I went to three different therapists because I thought I was relapsing or something. I would try to explain it to Alice and she would try to understand but we both knew she couldn’t relate.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dorcas took Frank’s hands into her own before giving him a half-smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It sucks,” she laughed lightly. “It sucks and none of us will pretend that it is. It’s fucking awful and it’s like a fire under your skin and in your brain.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It fucking burns but it doesn’t burn either,” Marlene sighed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s like being trapped in your mind and knowing something is off but not knowing what is wrong,” Frank added.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’d prefer the numbness of depression than the feeling of being a fucking fraud in my own body,” Remus nearly cried.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The group sat quietly on the bed, tears falling down their faces silently. They stared at the middle of the bed, not having the desire to talk or the words to talk. They all felt angry and sad and bitter and yet, they felt relieved. Anger washed over them that they were all cursed with the feeling of both numbness and being an imposter in their own skin. Sadness filled them with the realization that there was still no answer to get rid of the feeling yet. Bitterness flowed through them, knowing that they had shit luck with being okay and being normal. Yet they all felt slightly relieved that they weren’t the only ones feeling this way. Maybe, at this point, all they needed to hear was that they weren’t the only people feeling like this. Maybe it was enough knowing that there was a group they could turn to who understood. There was a group who wouldn’t just say that they’re sorry. The group would have to pretend they knew what the other person was talking about because they honestly knew. They knew what the other person was feeling and they understood. Maybe, just maybe, that was all they needed for now. It made things a little bit better.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Frank, Marlene, Dorcas and Remus walked down the stairs hours later. After saying goodbye to his friends, Remus made his way to the living room and curled into his husband’s side on the couch.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks for inviting them over,” Remus spoke quietly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re more than welcome, Moons,” Sirius replied, pressing a small kiss to Remus’ forehead.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you get some answers?” Lily asked quietly from the loveseat where she was cuddled up next to James.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No,” Remus said with a small chuckle. “But they knew what I was talking about and they understand. I guess I’m not completely crazy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course, you’re not,” James said with a small laugh. “You’re the least crazy person I know. So is there anything that your gang told you would help? Have they figured it out?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No,” Remus replied with a small sigh. “They have no answers or tips for me but it helps to know that I’m not the only one.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is that all you needed?” Sirius questioned innocently.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think so. I’ve been thinking I was crazy or insane for what I was feeling. Just knowing that there is a group of people who also sometimes feel like an imposter in their own body is enough to make me feel slightly better. Maybe eventually we will figure out the answer together, but until then I’m okay with just knowing other people feel the same thing. I thought I was alone in this.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re never alone, love,” Lily replied lovingly to her brother. “You’ve got us and you’ve got your gang. You’ll never be alone but I’m really glad that your gang is back.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Me too,” Remus said with a smile. “I never thought I would see them again but I guess I needed to see them again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And I’m sure they needed to see you,” Sirius replied with a kiss to his cheek. “You and your troublesome gang need each other, just don’t start any trouble together like you did in the hospital.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And why’s that?” Remus asked rhetorically with a small grin. “You realize that you and Prongs wouldn’t be able to beat us in your ways of trouble?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right in the heart, Moony,” James replied, rolling his eyes. “You hit me right where it hurts the most.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s the truth, dear,” Lily laughed. “The gang could take you two any day.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The stories 'Scout's Honour, 'The Gang is Back Together' and 'Never Have I Ever...' contain mention of The Gang.</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
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